Manipulation is one of the most reliable behaviors of a narcissist. If narcissists need adulation and attention and feed off of our energy and we know what makes them tick, why not give them what they need in selective and effective doses if and only if it benefits you or your children. This leveled the playing field and minimized the conflict to them and their children. And you will get yours back. Brilliant. This comparison may very well seem hyperbolic, but research has shown that living around narcissists can have the same effects on a person’s mind as people living in a war zone! Reblogged this on When a Raven is like a Writing Desk. Lose my number. You stop reacting to their outbursts. The reason, according to psychologists, is that most narcissists aren’t really aware of their narcissistic tendencies. Gauge their moods and meter your actions accordingly. Truth is the narcissist will always look for an opportunity to break you. Henry Rollins’ song ‘LIAR’ is about what a sociopathic narcissist does to his/her victim. We live in a very rich neighborhood and I can no longer afford to live there. They will be looking for you to argue and cry! It’s frustrating because if I had somewhere to go I would give up everything so my ex feels like he wins. How do I know, because I used this same tactic? These are suggested methods to balance power and minimize harm and maintain personal power and ensure self-preservation and are very effective and the narcissist benefits. I feel I would be protecting my child. So getting out if this situation and the dinamics that comes with it is not a quick thing and requires a strategy. Trust me. I wanted the divorce, had no idea that there were no laws, no decency, zero respect for your life, for you as a mother, as a good person…. I started back to school at a community college this past fall. So take everything into consideration and do not forget to consider your emotional freedom and health and that of your children. They make you angry, frustrated, delirious, indignant, sad and confused. This is when they are the most malleable. Remember the elemental word here is your self-benefit not your self-sacrifice. He filed for custody over two years ago, and that battle is still raging because he’s intentionally dragging it out in order to ruin me financially. Establish clear goals with the strongest emphasis on your long term vision of emotional freedom and health rather than short term material gains, revenge, and ego satisfaction. Even if you are in divorce or custody proceedings, they will never pass up on a compliment that they were the best at this or that. And you will get yours back. If you choose to use Yourlifelifter products or those Yourlifelifter endorses: What about those you have to see on a periodic or more frequent basis? Just leave them, and you will remember how great you are. You can use their own manipulation against them. You are smarter than you know and so much better than they will ever be. If you have NOT seen the movie gaslight, which is where this terminology comes from, watch how the female protagonist wins in the end. Going after them can keep you stuck, as well, in reactive victimhood mentality mode that feeds your ego-based need for revenge and retaliation rather than your long-term emotional freedom and health. His friends and family mean more to him than our child, and this move can put him significantly closer to them. If he’s not going to be there while his child is developing and he won’t come to a compromise on communication then why should I cater to his demands? You are put on this earth to be you, find meaning, love and find connections that best serve YOU. He told me that if I take him to court he will burn it all down and bankrupt me. Did you read entire article or react to parts taken out of context? Everyone deserves what they are due in accordance with the law, however the law does not take into consideration the nuances of our individual situations. It has now been ten years of on and off court battles, and he does his best to destroy my relationship with my daughter at every turn. Hang tough in YOUR truth and personal power and authenticity! Here are 8 sneaky tools of narcissistic manipulation these individuals use in order to manipulate us: 1. I meant to respond to ur comment, not the other. The best way to defeat a narc is to see them as the jokes they are. The articles, tools and tips at Yourlifelifter are designed to support you and do not replace any medical or psychiatric treatment. Otherwise have no contact with them. Now, the link below will be all that you need to read on how to manipulate a narc into thinking you care about their worthlessness. My dilemma is this: I was a stay at home mom for 13yrs of 3 boys. What else can I do to win his twisted game of control? Best of luck to you! If you HAVE to have contact, however, accept that they will always be trying to MANIPULATE or take something from you so the goal here is to MINIMIZE harm from them. Think out of the box. Remember, we should never participate in an interaction that will put us or our children in harm’s way. My sister in law has many narcissistic qualities, and her husband is similar but much, much worse. But you can make the situation appear as if only he won when in reality it is a “win-win” by using strategic tactics. That is the key objective here. A narcissist will use all the tactics compiled in this post, and make you go cuckoo. 8) It’s time to love yourself: Narcissists want their victims to stay insecure and … He accused me daily of cheating on him – I now think that was projection. We’ve never talked, I just saw your article tonight. Survival skills are vital to staying sane. To cater to his whims he feels that he’s won. If you are being emotionally or physically abused know you don’t have to take it. Note, however, that the narcissists benefit as well. Seek police or legal or professional action for protection immediately. I also wanted to add that once YOU have healed, you will be a much better equipped resource for your niece and nephew and will be better able to gauge and choose when and if YOU can benefit the situation without doing further harm to yourself. Oh, the narcissist will make all attempts to take something from you, no doubt. My N-ex owed me money, of course, after we broke up. He states his reason for not letting me move is because he doesn’t want my daughter to switch schools. And I agree…totally. For women who are married to Narcissists, plot your way out and RUN. Use this knowledge to fuel your strength and develop offensive strategies. After yearsss(I just turned 30) of fighting constantly with my dad because I refused to bend to his will like my other siblings, I have come into this wisdom thanks to discovering NPD after a 3 year relationship with a VERY covert Narcisist. Privately document every important fact. Perhaps, even cook them their favorite meal or cookies. When they told me I was not good enough for them and didn’t need me, I accepted it. No degree. He does this often especially after my mum decided to start her own business for some independence (how dare she?!) 2 days later I’m On a flight back home spent one night where I bit my tongue and agreed to everything he said, including his opinion on my ‘evil mum’ and ‘useless’ little brother. You DO NOT want to be tied to him for the rest of your life, or subject your child to him. My mother used to joke that she knew exactly how to push my buttons because she installed them. I call myself the Rational Humorist. Since I’m older and my last husband was bipolar suffering from extreme anxiety d/t drug & alcohol use, it made me more aware of bullcrap in other people. He builds AR-15’s. I almost lost the baby due to the stress of his DAILY accusations that it couldn’t be his. To not cater to him you’re automatically the enemy. When they do this, agree with them on how great the other person is for them. I am nothing like them.”. My ex is a narcissist, and we’ve been divorced for 13 years. This article was obviously written by a narcissist. I completely agree with you. If you sign up with my link, you can get 20% off your first month’s session. Mind you, her tactics may be a bit harsh, but narcs ~ god, they don’t deserve kid gloves on. They use scapegoating. Dna test and visitation. Play off a narcissist’s predictable and (yawn), yes, boring, reactions and moods. The trick is to make the narcissist think you don’t value something you really do. How To Beat A Female Narcissist At Her Own Games Photo by Gabby K on Pexels.com. I completely agree with you! COMPLETELY. Remember that while you may believe some of this, you are insincerely paying compliments. Shrinks have all the tools to screen these sources (the narcs) but what they do instead is wait and see. I didn’t even realize that he had N.P.D., probably because my mother was a very serious case herself, so I felt comfortable in a relationship being manipulated and criticized constantly. or if any of us kids get into a class with him. I was reading about your thoughts on the court process and I’m concerned because I feel like sometimes litigation can’t be avoided. Narcissists are used to manipulating and weaseling their way into getting what they want. No matter what there is not healing from it because he won’t allow it. So here are eight quick and effective strategies you can use to manipulate a narcissist and help minimize the harm they inflict on you. No thanks. This is how healing starts..step by step as you incrementally witness your healing and rescue yourself, you learn to rebuild your strength and take your power back. And as far is not going after them. They suck the life out of you. All they see is an opportunity to capitalize on your potential for remorse. The one thing left I want is to move to another city (about 30 miles away), but he is refusing to let me. To win, you need written evidence showing his erratic behavior and you need written evidence showing your rationality. I am late on this response and apologize and hope this gets to Jen. Lying is common from a narcissist. They will distort your sense of reality. I completely disagree with your strategic tips. The father of my unborn child is a narcissist. I’ve been divorced from that dysfunction for over 10 years now and I’m stronger because I did the work on myself to be. Get out NOW. Speaking with someone and getting the hurt off your chest is a great way to unload. I do not walk around like one at all or act like one, but it’s true that yes, I am, and I’ve just begun taking action. These issues are often deep-seated, and self-preservation stops them from even recognizing their problems. I will compromise and give him MY cat that he desperately wants. And yes, I cry every day, in private, it has been beyond difficult, but crying makes me feel better. Now, this is easily one of the narc’s favorite methods to slowly drive us insane (next to gaslighting).